On July 29, 2006, I was horribly injured skateboarding in Seal Beach at 1:30am. Now I don’t want to pass blame, but I’m pretty sure it was my damn flat feet that delayed the union and kept me on crutches for 5 months. As I go through physical therapy now, I would like to share some things I learned by being disabled.
Everyone feels guilty when they see a disabled person. Smiles turn to grimaces, people start to say “I’m sorry,” and a crippled can never get used to women holding doors open for him. But to reject any of these jesters of help would cause discomfort in those around. It’s a tough situation.
Most attempts at being helpful in this world, from attempted extermination of rats in Hawaii with the mongoose or the liberation of the Iraqis with a destabalized government, has a potential of harm to it. Like I said above, everyone wants to be helpful. Most often these people tend to get in the way or cause more discomfort than assistance. You have to learn to laugh at it and not let it make you bitter.
Vicodin can knock you out solid for 6 hours, but give you some great dreams in the days afterwards. Some painkillers can cause loss of bladder-stopping power. I think it’s called incontinence, but that’s such an old-person’s word.
It’s illegal to drive with the left foot on the gas pedal.
No body can really know the pain or the frustrations, but a lot of people can empathize with the challenge of using restrooms.
Smoking is harmful to bone regeneration.
The best crutches in the world are by Keen Mobility. I’ve felt so free and functional when using them. They are even great on the beach as long as you don’t get sand in the shaft. I never thought of myself as disabled when I had them, and parting with them for the cane gave me a slight case of Stockholm Syndrome.
Savoring hardships is the best way to grow.
No one really cares about crowding handicapped ramps. Able-bodied people actually prefer them to stairs, in spite of a line of cripples waiting to use them.
HMOs suck. They really value processes over patient health and cost reductions. It’s really bad business; I don’t get it.
My physical therapist knows too much about the artist formerly and recently known as Prince.
Crutches are an amazing workout. Abs, arms, and the working leg. Great cardio, too.
It’s very easy for crippled people to be mistaken for criminals when grocery shopping.
Being on crutches gets you all kinds of cred. Homeless people see you and say, “oh man, that sucks.” Girls (in my dreams) want to nurse me back to health. Strangers want to share war stories. It’s a social lubricant.
Canes are a social repellent. People see those on canes as weak for the long haul.
The weakest I’ve felt has been in PT, when very normal things such as walking on my toes seem unimaginable.
It’s very easy when you are in pain 24/7 to not realize how curt you are with people.
Handicapped parking is everything they say it is. Same with early boarding on air planes.
The guys who cart you around airports in buggies or wheel chairs can be slower than you on crutches.
People will tend to send you emails about famous people with similar injuries. In my case it was con artist Heather Mills and dance guru Bill Shannon and "hard core sitter" Aaron Fotheringham.
It’s a lot of fun to tell fellow injured people that their lives would be easier if they just amputated.
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